i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
