How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize