You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
