I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
