She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
