I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize