Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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