More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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