Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
