i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
