you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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