my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
