I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
