Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
