Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
