Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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