I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
