The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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