That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
