I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
