Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
