Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
