my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
