Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
