atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
