We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
