i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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