There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
