So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
