I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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