marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
