shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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