I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
