As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
