hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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