you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
