These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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