I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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