So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
