i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
