Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
