bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
