White coat. Heels.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
