Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
