3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
