You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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