Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
