I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
