The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
