he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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