I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
