normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
