There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
