I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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