That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
