First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize