i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
