you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Hippo gnu deer
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Your cock deserves a montage
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
