we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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