In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
