go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Life is so much better after having sex.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
