Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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