It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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