Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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