I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
