what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Randomize
