Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
