i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
