Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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