dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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