btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
